December 4, 2014
Tales from the Crate: How to Write with a Puppy by Karilyn Bentley #crazydog
As some of you may remember, we got a puppy in June that we were told was seven months old. In July we found out she was really three months old when we got her. Yikes. I never thought to have that young of a puppy. Karma is getting me back for looking at others and thinking I could do a better job of raising a puppy than they were. Somewhere Karma is laughing its butt off.
So how do I write with a puppy? Well, this is what used to happen on my day off. I'd sleep in until The Hubster would wake me with a kiss as he was walking out the door. Then I'd determine whether the old gimpy dog, aka Hell Hound, was able to go for a walk. If so, walk him. If not, do Tai Chi and meditate. Feed dog. Have coffee and breakfast while reading paper. Take shower. Get in a couple of hours writing/promo before meeting Hubster for lunch. Come home, write some more. Greet Hubster with kiss and spend evening with him.
What happens now.
The Alarm Puppy goes off at 5:40AM and since it's my day off, get up and haul her outside when she really wants to jump on Hubster and get pets. Put puppy back in crate, repeat night-night while she howls, waking Hubster. Pull covers over head and try to get another thirty minutes of sleep. Give up, get up, let puppy out of crate. Take gimpy Hell Hound and puppy for walk around block, return HH home and have arm pulled out of socket by puppy during a mile run. Kiss Hubster good-bye with promise to meet for lunch. Feed dogs.
Make note to see what ingredient in dog food makes puppy more hyper than a toddler on a candy high. Pick up ball. Play ball-ball until arm falls off. Pick up arm, reattach. Make coffee. Play ball-ball. Sip coffee, read half an article, cram breakfast into mouth. Throw ball-ball while attempting to eat. Reheat coffee in microwave. Reattach arm. Continue to play ball-ball while attempting to read paper. Give up reading after an hour. Reheat coffee.
Decide to take shower. Follow puppy into bedroom. Remove pillow stuffing from puppy's mouth. Wonder how puppy can destroy things so fast. Stick puppy in crate. Restuff pillow, sew up pillow, apply liberal dosing of bitter apple spray. Take shower. Be fooled by sleeping puppy, who flies out like her tail's on fire when crate door opened. Play more ball-ball. Put puppy on leash and take into office. Turn on computer. Pry dog bed out of puppy's mouth, replace with tasty treat. Write five words. Pull book out of puppy's mouth, replace with treat. Write ten words. Pull dog bed out of puppy's mouth. Pick up shredded foam pieces. Remove pants leg from puppy's mouth. Follow puppy out office door and remove fern from puppy's mouth. Notice it's time to meet Hubster for lunch. Make note to see if entered a time warp since there is no way an entire morning passed with only writing fifteen words.
Eat lunch. Complain about crazy puppy. Be assured there is no time warp. Return home. Sigh in relief that puppy is asleep in crate. Puppy hears sigh. Open crate, let out overly excited puppy. Commence pet-fest. Play ball-ball. Grab handful of food and try to teach puppy commands. Humor Hell Hound by teaching him commands too. When puppy tires of commands, play another round of ball-ball. Reattach arm.
Wonder why Hubster is home early. Realize it's not early. Place puppy in Hubster's arms and retreat to office. Write a paragraph and go investigate crash. Peel puppy off nightstand and carefully remove lampshade and TV remote from puppy's mouth. Chastise Hubster (a bit too) strongly. Bite back growl when he says he can't watch her at all times. Attach puppy to leash, attach leash to Hubster. Write another paragraph.
Get up to investigate clatter. See puppy yank leash off Hubster's arm, shove aside dog gate and run to office to be with me. Decide she's not so bad after all, but talk about a drain on productivity!
Anyway, that's my life with a puppy and why I've seemed rather frazzled later. On the plus side of life, the first book in my new urban fantasy series, Demon Lore, is up for pre-order now. It releases on 12/15. Squeeee!!! I'm really excited about it. I'll be back later in the month for more info on the book. Until then, happy reading!! And if you have any dog training suggestions or want to vent about your puppy/dog/cat, please do so in the comments.
Preorder at Amazon