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July 25, 2013

Plotting Princesses Kelly Lee: How You Know You're a #Mom

Hi all, I'm one of the quiet princesses unless I have something to say, but this really tickled my funny bone so I thought I needed to share. It hit me recently as I was rushing around in that harried-mom sort of way, I find myself in uniquely "mommish" situations that in a million years I never would have otherwise, except for the blessing (or curse) of motherhood.
Mom_cartoon : Cartoon mother and children    and Hi res raster files

As I spent a full twenty minutes searching my jewelry box for a matching set of earrings (none of them are paired anymore), the litany of mom-only problems I encounter daily cartwheeled around in my head, bouncing off my skull. Then I realized it wasn't thoughts banging around in there, but the beginnings of a headache that only a glass of wine would cure. 


After enjoying said glass of wine (or three), I got the giggles with my another mommy, and we made a list of the top 5 ways you know you're a mom. Now granted, yes, you already know you're a mom since you squeezed out the little 8 pound bowling ball of joy first-hand.... but it's funnier this way. So go with it.



Top 5 ways you know you're a mom:

5. You haven't gone to the bathroom alone in years.

4. The tiny people running around your house are bathed, coiffed, and hygienically sound, but you haven't washed your hair in two days.

3. You listen to "Kidz-Bop" versions of contemporary songs even when you're alone because it doesn't have "all the language".

2. Every shirt you own has snot stains on one shoulder.

1. You'd rather eat cut glass than attempt to trim the nails of the short person running through your house.

Bonus roll:  Plate? What's a plate?  Doesn't everyone just eat the leftovers off a highchair tray?

To all the other mothers out there - I salute you!!!  United we stand.... until someone breaks out the wine, then "united we collapse on the couch" and laugh our patooties off!

Hugs to all,
Princess Kelly
www.kellyleefiction.com

27 comments:

Vicki Batman, sassy writer said...

Hi, Kelly! Having fun being a mom? My worst day was #2 son having diarrhea all over the grocery store and I was headed to checkout with the buggie too. I stuffed him with papertowels, checked out, took him home, and sat him on the lawn and hosed him off. What a fun day.

Liz Lipperman said...

Just wait till you have grandkids! You'll wonder why you didn't just skip the kid part and move right to Nana duty! And the best part, the little "angels" get to go home with Mommy!! Loved these.

Pamela Stone said...

Great post. I'm in the middle here. Like Liz, I am enjoying being a Grammy. However, my two grandsons are here every other week so I get to relive the mommy thing. Although, raising boys was somewhat different. They didn't get into my stuff. When I got stressed, I organized my underwear drawer as that was the one place they NEVER bothered. Hey, I had to be in control of something and that was about my only option. Ha.

Alisha said...

Great post, Kelly! I can TOTALLY relate! On ALL the mommy stuff and the much needed glass of wine...or 3! I should be in the Guiness Book of World Records for Most Mopped Floors! I have tons of mommy stories but I'll share one with you that's similar to Vicki's story..lol! My five year old son doesn't like the daycare lady at our church so a lot of times I take my two older girls and will skip church. Well, this got old so I told my son that he'd just have to sit quietly in the pew and color because I really didn't want to miss the Easter service this year. Well that morning he kept complaining that he didn't feel good and didn't want to go. I assured him I wouldn't leave him with the mean daycare lady and he could sit quietly in the pew with me. He begged me not to go, saying he felt sick but I thought he was faking it to get out of going to church. I got the kids dressed and went to the Easter service, happy to have made it. He laid down in my lap, still complaining he felt bad but I was just happy he was being quiet. During the preacher's sermon, he starts coughing and I knew he was going to puke everywhere and I'd sat in the front pew! You've never seen a Mama run so fast with her hand clapped over a kid's mouth, all the way down the center aisle during Easter service. By the time I made it to the bathroom, I was covered in puke. At least we made it to Easter service..lol! Cheers to all the mommies out there! Hugs!

Phyllis said...

Kelly,
Sorry for the delayed comment.

Such a fun post. I married into adult children....lucky me.Still, I can appreciate all you go through

Kathy Ivan said...

Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday. Fighing this awful illness (whatever it is wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy).

I've never had kids, but I can relate on another level. I used to work in a day care center, so multiply two or three little ones by thirty. All needing something at the same time, esecially when its time to go the potty!

Fun post and brought back lots of happy memories.

Kelly Lee said...

Hey Ladies! I'm glad this post brought back some happy memories - which goes to show you've all got baby-amnesia. I say this because this will likely be my only comment to my own post today, since I am battling a 23 pound baby octopus who is able to hold a sippy cup with one hand and fight me tooth and nail for the keyboard with the other. :)

Natasha Larry said...

LOL! This is a great post. Thanks for sharing.

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