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May 20, 2014

Michelle Miles: Cat on Fire

I wish I was making this story up.

It was a Sunday night. I’d baked potatoes in the oven. When I do this, I roll them in olive oil and sea salt and then wrap them in foil. I put a pan covered in foil in the oven to catch the drippings but invariably, it leaves a stench behind. We have a small house. So when something in the oven is stinky, it stinks up the whole house. (However, the potatoes were DELISH.)

Now. Just to give you some idea of the setup. We have an open concept living/dining/kitchen. There’s a bar where the stove/oven is and a small walkway between that and the sofa. Husband was sitting on the sofa watching Sunday night football. And I decide I’m going to light some candles to get rid of the smell.

Dexter the Cat has a bed which he’s a tad too big for. He’s fat but he’s losing weight. The candles are on the bar area right above him. He’s happily sleeping in his bed when I grab the box of matches. I strike the match but the stupid thing breaks in half. I watch the match end – as if in slow motion – fall toward the cat lighting in midair.

Two things cross my mind in about 2.3 seconds.

First: “Aw hell the match broke.”
Second: “OH SHIT the match lit!”

As the match lands on the cat in a POOF, I shout “KITTY KITTY KITTY!!” as he leaps from his bed about the same time I reach down to extinguish the small flame. And I’m wondering if the damn cat bed is going to ignite. Because the match has landed where he was. I’m also wondering if I need to tell Husband to get the fire extinguisher.

At this point, I have visions of the cat on fire (which he’s not) running through the house. Can you imagine THAT call to 911? “Um, yes, I set my cat on fire and now the whole house is in flames.” Wonder if the fire marshal would investigate that one?

Anyway, the cat is sitting a few feet away. He meows at me. The fire is out. And I’m laughing hysterically.

That’s when the husband turns his head and says, “What are you DOING back there?” Because, naturally, he saw NONE of this happening. Figures.

But I’m laughing too hard to even breathe. I finally catch my breath and tell him what happened. He merely shakes his head. “Only you.”

Hey, I don’t know how this stuff happens to me. Really.

By the way, the cat was TOTALLY FINE. He didn’t even have any singed fur. Please don’t send PETA after me.


Sylvia said...

Ha! Funny story Michelle. At least nothing caught on fire. My husband had to use the fire extinguisher in our kitchen about a year ago when he set the convection oven on fire. I walked in to see foam all over the counter tops and black marks on the cabinets. He was pretty shook up about it...I just sighed. Sometimes he's an accident waiting to happen.

Michelle Miles said...

Sylvia - so glad he had a fire extinguisher handy! At least you only had a few scored cabinets and not a burned down house. :)

I think the cat has finally recovered from his shock. haha

Vicki Batman, sassy writer said...

That is so funny. I had to move the cat's food bowls on the counter because the dogs raided them. They walk across the counter, the stove to the sink area. Sometimes, the stove has hot burners and yep, they've stepped on them. I feel so bad when that happens *gets out polysporin* Yeah, don't sic PETA on me either.

Karilyn Bentley said...

Funny story!! I'm glad to hear that the cat was ok! You had me worried there for a minute. :)

Kathleen Baldwin said...

WOW Michelle!

Crazy Wild story, girl!

Well told. Poor kitty cat. You had me scared and in stitches at the same time. I wonder if the fire department has ever had a call like that???

Michelle Miles said...

Vicki - I hope your kitties paws are okay :)

Karilyn - I'm glad he was too. I would have felt awful if he'd gotten hurt. Luckily it all turned out okay :)

Hi Kat - thanks for stopping by! I wondered about that too. Can yo imagine? "Uh, hello, 911? I set my cat on fire..."

Pamela Stone said...

Love it. Great story. That's novel fodder right there. Ha.